I ain't posted anything, cause I haven't known what to say.. That's all I ever use to do, is write, sometimes it made me feel better, sometimes it didn't help. Finally I just stopped... There didn't seem to be a point to it anymore. And I still don't know if there is any point to it..
There is always so much going on, that all it ever seems is that I talk about it. I don't wanna talk about it. I don't even want to have anything to do with all that's going on. It has seemed to calmed, for the moment. Hopefully it lasts for a while..
Some nights, like tonight for example, I let everything hit all at once... I know what all I have in my life, and I am grateful, but it's night's like these that I realize all the things I don't have in my life..
Like somebody to call my own, I'm okay without somebody I guess, but it would be nice to have somebody there to call my own, to be there when I needed them, to tell me they love me, all the things a girl wants to hear, that a lot of us people who don't have anybody don't get to hear a lot. I thought a couple weeks ago, that I actually had a chance at having "my somebody" for even a little bit at the least.. Come to find out, that person wasn't feeling it as much as I was, but didn't have the balls, to tell me.. So they let their ex all over their page say something about it. And when that person got asked about it. All they had to say is "That's my ex, and they want me to give them another chance." I tried to see past that, cause it seemed okay, and then it got a little weirder, it went from talking every day for weeks, to barely talking at all. To not talking at all...Finally I said something to them about it, an their response to that was "you do what you have to do, bye."
So now I am back to the beginning of not having anyone, and maybe its just me, but everybody around me has someone, and as much as I am happy for them, it gets tiring seeing people with somebody else, and seeing myself with nobody.. And it makes me wonder what everybody else has in them, that I don't. What do they have that makes people stay in their life, when all it seems like is everything potential, just wants to walk right back outta my life as fast as they walk in.
Yeah I have amazing friends who make me feel loved, and as much as I hear I love you, from them, its not the same. I love them too though..I have a pretty good family to compared to others, and I know this, even though it is hard to get along with them...
It's just nights like this, I am so lonely, and tired of waiting for that special someone. I wonder what the point in anything is..
