Writing use to be my thing, I use to do it all the time whether it was actually writing a story, or blogging/journalling. Yet anymore I can't get into it, even though it is something I love, I guess, I didn't love it enough, cause it just stopped. Why? I don't even remember.
I use to want to be a writer, when I got older, a part of me still does, but at the same time I think I know that, that just isn't going to happen. Guess I could of tried a little harder, got back into it, but every time I try to get back into writing, some kind of book, it just don't seem right.
People keep telling me that have read some of my stuff, that I write good. So where did it go? Where was did the drive that I once had disappear to? I wish it would come back some times.
Life?
Well that obviously isn't going as it was suppose to be. But maybe how things I thought was suppose to be wasn't right for me I don't know, and to this day I never will. But I still don't feel like I am doing the right thing. Yes I am home, yes I am here helping take care of my mother, but why don't it feel like I am at least doing something with my life?
People get older, they need help, I understand that. But can I not have a life to and take care of the people around me?
Some days I wonder if that is how it is suppose to be, if that is what I am suppose to be doing, taking care of people. But what if I do something about that? Would it be right? I am not sure.
And I obviously ain't going to get the chance to do that. To find out. Why?
Because of this stupid health issue I have had since I was born. And no I am not going into the woe is me crap. I am so over that crap.
But it just makes me angry cause there is so much that I wanted to do with my life, and it's becoming pretty obvious that I am not going to get to do that.
Because of this stupid health problem. Yeah there is a lot of things that I can't do, but is that suppose to stop me from living a life?
Is that suppose to stop me from living my life the way I want to live it?
Because if it is, some days I think I should just already be dead. (Not suicidal or anything) just trying to make a point.
I am going to be Twenty-five this year, and I can honestly say in the decade and half of my life, that I have been alive, I have done nothing with it. And I don't know if that is me or, if it is because of things in my life that have happened.
But it pisses me off to no end.
People don't realize how much it pisses me off.
And lately it is all surrounded the "health problem"
Yes I know it's there, but does that mean I want to be reminded of it, every little bit? No, it does not.
I am a little sick of talking about what I need to do.
I know what I need, and every time I mention it, I get, well you can't do that. Or why would you do that? You need to do this instead.
Does anybody know how that makes me feel?
I get a few certain people and why they say those things, its because they actually do care about me.
So I am not ranting about that, it's about the others, the so called family and the people around them, that think it's any of their business, that bothers me.
Cause that is all it is anymore.
And I'm beyond tired of it, and extremely pissed off about it.
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