Job interview...

Got a job interview this morning.  A little nervous this is the second one I've ever had. First one in Texas though. I'm praying I get it. Its gonna be a lot different than I'm use to. But I think maybe I can do it, or at least I hope I can.

Now if dad don't try to be over helpful and make me over nervous on the way there.
Everybody has given me advice, yet I'm still not sure.
Just pray.

God let them be receptive to me,
As I go through this interview today,
So that I may shine with your glory on all things,
Amen.

Just Something To Think About...

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” - Colossians 3:13 (NIV) « Sent from LiveBible

Guess it has meaning for different situations in my life at the moment. Somehow I need to be growing in God but I don't think I am and I don't know how to fix that.

It Don't Really Matter Anymore I Am Done Caring About It...

So over the last couple weeks, Jess (who I consider only to be a family friend now -- long story) decided she wanted to move in early, because of stuff going on at her house. So of course that was ok with everybody in the house.
Decided to finally say she don't want to after of course lying to me and saying she didn't have any other options because of some classes she swore she could drop cause they was just for fun are suddenly important to her. So she's staying which is fine I don't really care just mad she can sit there an lie to me after so long. She's supposed to be my "sis" but I wonder if that was a lie to after all these years?

Just goes to show I need to stop caring, I got other things on my mind thats important at the moment. That need my attention more than this crap. So I'm going to focus on what needs to be done right now, its all I can do, probably all I can handle anyway.

Thank You For That...

I really appreciate making me feel like crap. Do you not realize that I do notice everything that has been done for me? I may not show it, or act like I care sometimes but I notice.

I know I owe you more then you can imagine, I've changed since those days but obviously you don't see it. Thats why its hard to get to know me because people only see what they want to see. I don't let people get close to me anymore. Because it seems like every time I do, I hurt somebody or get hurt. So what's the point?

So nobody sees what they should, I keep myself protected.

But thanks for that I didn't know that. Obviously.
(yes I did)

It Feel's Like There Is Fire In My Veins...

I have learned something recently, the people in your life, you're suppose to be able to trust. You can't. Or at least in my case you can't. So if you can't trust you're suppose to be family. Who are you suppose to trust? Everybody wonders why I have so many issues, well they just keep piling on. Just when I think I get rid of one issue or at least get a handle on it, it seems like twenty more add to it.

I have also learned I need a lock for my door, not just one of those ones you can lock on the inside, but the kind you use for your outer doors, the one with a key. It's sad, that I would actually need that kind of lock for my room. But its become pretty obvious people love going through my stuff... Of course it's not the first time, and I highly doubt that it will be the last, unless, I move. Which that thought is becoming more and more welcoming as time goes on. So that is my goal.

And since I can't trust anybody, (Except for the two I know without a doubt I can--And I think those two know it, and if not well then they should). I have decided a change is order again. And I have a feeling, somebody I ain't seen in years is about to come out.. That person, who I was, has always been there. I feel it bubbling up more and more, like fire in my veins. And instead of suppressing it like I have been. Think its about time I let it come out.

Lose people? That's an understatement. Can't have somebody that you never had, even as friends. I'm sick of fighting--for anything, I'm sick of having to have an explanation for everything. Do they realize I am not a teenager anymore? Do they realize, even though I am living in this God forsaken house, that I am an adult? They have been in my place--the only place I thought I could go to feel safe. And since that was invaded, where else is there? Can I not have anything that is just my own? How would people feel if their place has been invaded? I only know how to explain it one way, and I can't. Because it wouldn't make any sense to anybody but me. So there's no point. There's no point in a lot anymore.

There isn't much else to do other then give up. Which may be happening sooner then I want it to.