It Feel's Like There Is Fire In My Veins...

I have learned something recently, the people in your life, you're suppose to be able to trust. You can't. Or at least in my case you can't. So if you can't trust you're suppose to be family. Who are you suppose to trust? Everybody wonders why I have so many issues, well they just keep piling on. Just when I think I get rid of one issue or at least get a handle on it, it seems like twenty more add to it.

I have also learned I need a lock for my door, not just one of those ones you can lock on the inside, but the kind you use for your outer doors, the one with a key. It's sad, that I would actually need that kind of lock for my room. But its become pretty obvious people love going through my stuff... Of course it's not the first time, and I highly doubt that it will be the last, unless, I move. Which that thought is becoming more and more welcoming as time goes on. So that is my goal.

And since I can't trust anybody, (Except for the two I know without a doubt I can--And I think those two know it, and if not well then they should). I have decided a change is order again. And I have a feeling, somebody I ain't seen in years is about to come out.. That person, who I was, has always been there. I feel it bubbling up more and more, like fire in my veins. And instead of suppressing it like I have been. Think its about time I let it come out.

Lose people? That's an understatement. Can't have somebody that you never had, even as friends. I'm sick of fighting--for anything, I'm sick of having to have an explanation for everything. Do they realize I am not a teenager anymore? Do they realize, even though I am living in this God forsaken house, that I am an adult? They have been in my place--the only place I thought I could go to feel safe. And since that was invaded, where else is there? Can I not have anything that is just my own? How would people feel if their place has been invaded? I only know how to explain it one way, and I can't. Because it wouldn't make any sense to anybody but me. So there's no point. There's no point in a lot anymore.

There isn't much else to do other then give up. Which may be happening sooner then I want it to.