Rants, Rambles, Stress...

I ain't been here in a really long time... Guess I should update.

Got the job. Work my ass off, and for what? People think I am made full of money, and I'm not, I just do the best I can, and nobody seems to be happy with that... But that is their problem, not mine. But somehow it still bothers me some days.

Bills? Those ain't fun. I can see why everybody says they're always broke after the bills, part of me always thought they was kidding. I found out the hard way. Some people think that just because I don't have bills here, I shouldn't have bills, an that I should have all my money, since I started. It don't work like that though, they don't understand, it don't matter.

One day I am going to be moving, moving is expensive, just the thought of it, stresses me out lately. Work stresses me out. Living here stresses me out most of all.. And I can't make them understand. Maybe I never will, may as well quit hoping for some understanding from people.

The panic attack's are back, worse than ever to, what triggered them? I don't know. Stress? The own feeling, of my mental stability slipping? Thing's I haven't thought about in a long time, rushing back? I don't know, it's something though.

I'm not complaining I swear. I've been there three months, and already I am tired of it. I'm tired of people, I'm tired of me, tired of not being able to sleep.

I don't like people anymore, I always thought I was a people person, I was so very wrong. I am not a people person, people drive me insane now. There's only a couple that I can stand. I feel like I don't handle anything anymore. Part of me is breaking, I feel it, and I can't stop it. So I let it happen, what else is there? Do I pick myself back up when I break though? Do I want to. I don't know the answers to those questions. I guess we'll see what happens.

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”