There are some days that I wish I wasn't in my head, and I know there are others that people would wonder about me again.. The things that cross my mind lately. Their dangerous, and I don't like them. And I don't want to fall back in to that pattern again...
It terrifies me, nobody notices, that worrie's me even more. Shouldn't somebody notice? Does anybody care? Am I the only one that gives a dang about any of it?
I need you to see. I need you to care... Hell at this point, anybody will do, but I want it to be you. I need it to be you.
Lately, because of my anxiety and what goes on in my head, I can be in a full room of people, at a full table of people, around everybody, and I can still feel so alone, so very isolated, like I'm not even there anymore, I don't know what triggered it, and I wish I did.. I hate feeling like this. Isn't this what started all the other bad habit's in the first place?
Make it stop. I need to make it stop myself, I don't know how, anybody have any advice? I can't talk to anybody about it, there isn't... but there is, but even then I can't talk about it, I can't voice it. If it's voiced, it's reality, I don't want it to be reality, if it's reality it's a problem, I don't want or need anymore problems...
I can't handle drama stress, I can barely handle any stress.. I do okay with work related, customer, finding things, doing to many projects, that stress I can handle, people coming at me from all angles, because I am a problem, I can't handle. No matter what I do, where I am, I feel lost. Like I'm not even here anymore. And I know that's not true.
She see's me. Don't she? I feel like I am slowly fading. Into nothing. Again, all over again.
What am I to do? Who do I talk to? Do I really have to pay to have somebody to talk to? Why can't I just have you...
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